Douglas Douglas¶

Douglas Douglas is a lonely security guard at the Stately Acres gated community near Radford, living in a guard shack full of vintage pinball machines. After the task force helps him, he wins a lawsuit against his employer and uses the settlement to open the Douglas Pinball Emporium.


Type	NPC
Aliases	The guard; the pinball guy; Douglas
Affiliation	Stately Acres property-management company (formerly); owner of the Douglas Pinball Emporium
Status	Alive (as of Radford Horrors 04)
First appearance	Radford Horror 07
Played by	Andre

Description¶

Douglas is a guard who lives in a temporary guard shack at the entrance of Stately Acres. A bed stands against one wall and the rest of the shack is filled with about thirty years of vintage pinball machines, including Universal Monsters Mummy and Dracula tables and a Bozo clown machine misprinted with the year 3056. He recommends buying machines broken at estate sales on Saturday mornings. He feeds stray cats, hates Dean Lawson for kicking one, and assumes coyotes got his own dog. He is on a "pinhead" mailing list, although no other pinheads live nearby (Radford Horror 07). He tells Andrew that he "look[s] the most like a Fed of anyone I've ever seen" and offers advice on his tie.

History¶

Radford Horror: the guard shack¶

When the team asked the guard's name, the table suggested Clyde Behringer, George number five and Jared Fogle before Andre settled on Douglas Douglas, "like the writer", and then corrected himself to Frederick Douglass (Radford Horror 07).

Douglas explained that his company would fire him if he left his post. He has to buy all his food from the company, supplies drop only every three months, and he gets one unpaid month off every three. Andrew wrote down Department of Labor numbers for him. Douglas told the team that Dean Lawson had been seen several times with a shovel at the family cabin ("Burying bodies? I don't know"), and let them look around. The Biz took a shovel from the community tool shed while Andrew kept Douglas talking about his plans for a pinball hall. Douglas then asked, embarrassed, whether they had any toilet paper; Kurt brought some from the trunk, and Douglas shook his hand for twenty seconds (Radford Horror 07). Zack's character Huell whispered "Serial killer" to Andrew as a joke. In Radford Horror 08, the table calls him "the pinball guy" and Andre calls him "the definitely intentional NPC that I definitely had a plan for" (Radford Horror 08).

Radford Horrors: the Emporium¶

When the team returned to Radford, a neon "Douglas Pinball Emporium" stood in a former laundromat painted black across from the diner (Radford Horrors 02). In Radford Horrors 03, Molly Underhill led the team there, and Douglas greeted them as "minus the sports-coat guy" (the Biz). He explained that the agents had changed his life: after they loaned him toilet paper and gave him the Department of Labor number, he called, and "there ended up being a big lawsuit. Paid for this place."

He then reported that his overnight security and maintenance worker, Elizabeth George, was gone when he arrived to open. A letter on her door said she was in inpatient psychiatric treatment in Los Angeles, which he did not believe. The Flash Gordon machine she had been repairing stood opened up on the floor, there was a bloodstain in the parking lot, and the hand towels in the employee bathroom were missing. The team found a broken tine from a Taser, a smear of blood and a single hair, and learned that the front-porch camera's tape had been replaced with a partly recorded-over tape from another day (Radford Horrors 03). See LA treatment cover story.

In Radford Horrors 04, he is offscreen; the team works from diner camera footage showing a gray van crew raiding his shop (Radford Horrors 04). See also Emporium intruder.

Trivia¶

Zack joked that there is a zero percent chance the pinball guy does not "fuck those machines" (Radford Horror 08).
In Radford Horror 08, Kira asked whether the team ever brought the pinball guy his toilet paper (Radford Horror 08).