The Biz's guards¶
The Biz's guards are the Russian guards assigned to watch over Dick "The Biz" Baxter in the Hotel Metropol in Moscow. They work three rotating eight-hour shifts: one weeps at soap operas, one is a hard-ass, and one is nice. A separate guard from the president's convoy dies in the ambush in Radford Horrors 03.
| Type | NPC group |
| Aliases | The Biz's guard; Moscow guards |
| Affiliation | Russian government |
| Status | Unknown |
| First appearance | Radford Horrors 01 |
| Played by | Andre |
Description¶
None of the guards is named. A guard is with the Biz at all times, and he is not allowed to leave, though the bars on his window were fitted after the fact and a fall from it would be survivable (Radford Horrors 01). In Radford Horrors 03, Andre explained that the guards work three rotating eight-hour shifts: one is "kind of an asshole and a hard-ass" who has beaten the Biz, and the other two are pretty nice (Radford Horrors 03).
History¶
The crying guard¶
In Radford Horrors 01, the guard on duty sits through about three hours of the Russian-dubbed telenovela Los ricos también lloran (The Rich Also Cry) with the Biz, tearing up the whole time. The Biz disliked the fancy borscht that came with his room service and gave it to the guard, who has been eating it and quietly crying ever since. When the soap ends, a Russian-dubbed episode of Roseanne comes on. When a higher-ranking officer arrives with an invitation from the president to the opera, the guard guiltily puts down his bowl of borscht, and the officer side-eyes him. Later the guard leads the Biz to the bathroom to clean up, and the Biz worries that he has been measuring him for the suit in his sleep (Radford Horrors 01).
The wake-up call¶
In Radford Horrors 03, the Biz is woken by banging, and his guard, who had been fast asleep on duty, opens the door. An official the Biz has not seen before throws him clean clothes and tells him to be ready to ride with the president, Boris Yeltsin. The Biz asks the guard, one of the nice ones, who the visitor was; the guard says only that he is a colonel who often travels with the president (Radford Horrors 03).
The convoy¶
In the convoy, the Biz sits in a squat rear car between guards with bulletproof windows. None of them are people he knows. They refuse his request for coffee, and a guard with a thermos of black tea will not hand it over; they also decline to give him vodka (Radford Horrors 03).
When a car rams the president's limousine and explodes, the guards bail out. One guard shields the unconscious president with his body. The Biz persuades him (Manipulate Someone, 11 on the dice) to help move the president to the rear car. The guard is shot in the back seat and is dead by the time the Biz looks over his shoulder. A quick-release key from his body opens the trunk, and the Biz later props the body up beside the car as a decoy (Radford Horrors 03). See Convoy ambushers and Wheat field near Moscow.
Quote
"And he's just really fucking up the feng shui, frankly." Ezra (as the Biz), removing the dead guard from the back seat (Radford Horrors 03)
Trivia¶
- The guard who dies is one of the convoy's escorts, not one of the three who watch the Biz at the hotel.
- The security guard in the Pinball Emporium case is an unrelated character; see Douglas Pinball Emporium.